Mommy's not very happy with Daddy right now.
"It will only be a slight trim," I assured her. "You'll barely notice."
I suppose I can hide behind the excuse that these were brand new clippers and I naturally expected a #3 on this set to match a #3 on the old. How was I to know? But the first sweep of the buzzer, right up the middle, assured me that I would pay for my lack of finding a suitably hidden test spot.
At least the alleged "victim" doesn't seem to care. And Mommy should stop crying by mid-week.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Mini-man
The last vestige of true manliness is gone.
I've never been a Schwarze-negger able to bench twice my weight while simultaneously maxing out the StairMaster. Nor have I ever been a Chuck Norris, able to launch some sucker's teeth into geosynchronous orbit with a sudden round-house leg kick to the jaw. Still less a Ted Nugent who could blow away a 4-ton elephant with a bazooka and then immediately chow down on all the still-warm remains, including the tusks. But I always humored myself that there was a trickle of testosterone in my system, a thimbleful, perhaps, of real-mannishness coursing through my veins. But now I know it cannot possibly be true. If it ever was there, the last drop dissipated away... the day I bought the minivan.
I can claim it was for the wife. I can swear I did it for the children. I can assure you up and down that it was only for the safety, security and well-being of my beloved family. But the truth be told... I really wanted it. I really, really dug the three-row seating. I really, really got into the electric sliding side door. I really, really went nuts for the safety latch system for plugging in the child seats. My humiliation is complete.
I am girly-man. Hear me meow.
I've never been a Schwarze-negger able to bench twice my weight while simultaneously maxing out the StairMaster. Nor have I ever been a Chuck Norris, able to launch some sucker's teeth into geosynchronous orbit with a sudden round-house leg kick to the jaw. Still less a Ted Nugent who could blow away a 4-ton elephant with a bazooka and then immediately chow down on all the still-warm remains, including the tusks. But I always humored myself that there was a trickle of testosterone in my system, a thimbleful, perhaps, of real-mannishness coursing through my veins. But now I know it cannot possibly be true. If it ever was there, the last drop dissipated away... the day I bought the minivan.
I can claim it was for the wife. I can swear I did it for the children. I can assure you up and down that it was only for the safety, security and well-being of my beloved family. But the truth be told... I really wanted it. I really, really dug the three-row seating. I really, really got into the electric sliding side door. I really, really went nuts for the safety latch system for plugging in the child seats. My humiliation is complete.
I am girly-man. Hear me meow.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Quotable
"How do fish cry?" L
"Rosie fell down and broke her clown." L talking about her doll.
We were driving in the car today and L asked if God loved her. “Yes.” I answered.
“Why?” she replied.
“Because of Jesus.” I told her.
“Mommy, do I love Jesus?”
“I hope so! Do you?”
“Yes, but I like God better.”
"Rosie fell down and broke her clown." L talking about her doll.
We were driving in the car today and L asked if God loved her. “Yes.” I answered.
“Why?” she replied.
“Because of Jesus.” I told her.
“Mommy, do I love Jesus?”
“I hope so! Do you?”
“Yes, but I like God better.”
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Neunundneunzig Luftballons
Yesterday after work I was quizzing L on her day. She told me about going to a local grocery store (Trader Joe's) and how she got a balloon there. As she and Stacy went out to the car evidently the balloon got away from her.
"It goed up and up and up." At this point her voice began to quaver with emotion. "L thinks it probably went all the way up and an airplane got it..." Then she actually had to stop for a second as her eye got all welled up with tears, "...and took it to Mimi's house!"
I spent the next two or three minutes holding her and rocking her and consoling her as she wept bitterly for her lost balloon on its trek to Maine. Later that evening as I was relating the incident to Stacy she said "Oh, yes! She was so distraught in the parking lot that employees from the store came to the door to see what was wrong. They ended up bringing her another balloon."
I'm sure it helped, but I doubt it could ever quite fill that balloon-shaped hole in her heart. So Mimi, if in the next few days you find a Trader Joe's balloon wrapped around your chimney, or stranded in a nearby willow tree, please, please, please retrieve it and send L a picture of the happy wanderer!
"It goed up and up and up." At this point her voice began to quaver with emotion. "L thinks it probably went all the way up and an airplane got it..." Then she actually had to stop for a second as her eye got all welled up with tears, "...and took it to Mimi's house!"
I spent the next two or three minutes holding her and rocking her and consoling her as she wept bitterly for her lost balloon on its trek to Maine. Later that evening as I was relating the incident to Stacy she said "Oh, yes! She was so distraught in the parking lot that employees from the store came to the door to see what was wrong. They ended up bringing her another balloon."
I'm sure it helped, but I doubt it could ever quite fill that balloon-shaped hole in her heart. So Mimi, if in the next few days you find a Trader Joe's balloon wrapped around your chimney, or stranded in a nearby willow tree, please, please, please retrieve it and send L a picture of the happy wanderer!
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Forever Mine
I was putting L down to bed tonight, and as is usually the case on Sunday nights with the new work-week looming over me, I was a little discouraged and maudlin about how little I'll get to see the kids over the week.
"L," I told her, "I sure hope you grow up to be a big girl who will love her Daddy all her life."
"Daddy," she answered, perfectly seriously, "I want to stay just this small for a long, long, long time so I can be with my Daddy. Then maybe later I'll get bigger."
"L," I told her, "I sure hope you grow up to be a big girl who will love her Daddy all her life."
"Daddy," she answered, perfectly seriously, "I want to stay just this small for a long, long, long time so I can be with my Daddy. Then maybe later I'll get bigger."
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Laying Down "The Stand"
Last night I finished The Stand by Stephen King. In this 1153 page book (the extended version), the world succumbs quite quickly, but not entirely, to a superflu virus that is accidentally released from a military bioweapons facility. The less than 1% of the population that remains slowly coalesces and begins the slow process of recovering civilization and, in some cases, democracy. And the new stripped-down, blossoming societies must address the age-old conflict of good and evil in unusually clear and present terms. With the vestiges of the insulating and anesthetizing old-world society removed, mankind confronts forces of good and evil that are real, blatant and graphically portrayed.
In his preface King calls the work a "long tale of dark Christianity". And indeed it is a far more Christian book than I expected from Stephen King. I had read several of his books in middle school and don't recall much deeper meaning in them, so I never gave him much credit beyond being able to conjure a good creepy-crawly. But I'd heard through the years that there was more to his work than ghosts and ghoulies, that there was a dark nobility lurking there somewhere. And then there were a couple of movies that I learned after-the-fact that he had written (Stand By Me and The Shawshank Redemption) which were outstandingly good and rich and deep, and totally contrary to what I had come to believe a Stephen King story was all about.
I basically read The Stand because of similar such reports. Its reputation for having a cult following and its description as an “alternative classic” had intrigued me for years. I don't know if I've changed or King did (I suspect the former), but this was not a "King Book" as I presupposed it to be. Sure, it had its share of gross-outs and half-imagined monstrosities lurking just off in the shadows, but it had some much more human qualities – compassion, thoughtfulness, moral and ethical struggle, true sorrow and pathos, and most importantly, a strong redemptive streak. It seemed King was serious about his darkly Christian story.
The Christian imagery isn’t particularly veiled or subtle. The characters themselves speak of the plot’s main struggle as a battle between good and evil, but don’t attribute it to nebulous and undefined powers; it is a monumental battle between the Christian God, represented by his prophet Mother Abagail, and Satan, represented by his eternal co-conspirator Randall Flagg. The "good" characters come from all different backgrounds and faith-systems, but each is drawn, often against their will and better judgment, to placing stock in Mother Abagail and the God she must serve and represent.
Redemption is the most developed theme carried on through out the novel and applied to numerous characters, with vastly differing results. Several characters struggle with their moral failures in their “previous life” before the plague, and must war against them in their new post-apocalyptic existence. They either overcome them with new-found humility and self-sacrifice, or revolve to them in pride, greed, and ambition – all in accordance with to the camp they choose to live within, though “choosing” may be too strong a word, for sense of calling and predestination seems to be strong as well. While there are plenty of images and allegories that would not bear a strictly orthodox Christian litmus test (as would also be the case in The Lord of the Rings or the Narnia series), it is a profoundly Christian novel with an ultimately Christian worldview and a Christian conclusion. (OK, spiced with a little Zen and Ka). It looks at the world and humanity and makes a few general statements about them both – and the statements ring pretty much “Christianly” true.
I don’t know that The Stand will make it to my top ten book list, but it definitely rises up in that general direction.
In his preface King calls the work a "long tale of dark Christianity". And indeed it is a far more Christian book than I expected from Stephen King. I had read several of his books in middle school and don't recall much deeper meaning in them, so I never gave him much credit beyond being able to conjure a good creepy-crawly. But I'd heard through the years that there was more to his work than ghosts and ghoulies, that there was a dark nobility lurking there somewhere. And then there were a couple of movies that I learned after-the-fact that he had written (Stand By Me and The Shawshank Redemption) which were outstandingly good and rich and deep, and totally contrary to what I had come to believe a Stephen King story was all about.
I basically read The Stand because of similar such reports. Its reputation for having a cult following and its description as an “alternative classic” had intrigued me for years. I don't know if I've changed or King did (I suspect the former), but this was not a "King Book" as I presupposed it to be. Sure, it had its share of gross-outs and half-imagined monstrosities lurking just off in the shadows, but it had some much more human qualities – compassion, thoughtfulness, moral and ethical struggle, true sorrow and pathos, and most importantly, a strong redemptive streak. It seemed King was serious about his darkly Christian story.
The Christian imagery isn’t particularly veiled or subtle. The characters themselves speak of the plot’s main struggle as a battle between good and evil, but don’t attribute it to nebulous and undefined powers; it is a monumental battle between the Christian God, represented by his prophet Mother Abagail, and Satan, represented by his eternal co-conspirator Randall Flagg. The "good" characters come from all different backgrounds and faith-systems, but each is drawn, often against their will and better judgment, to placing stock in Mother Abagail and the God she must serve and represent.
Redemption is the most developed theme carried on through out the novel and applied to numerous characters, with vastly differing results. Several characters struggle with their moral failures in their “previous life” before the plague, and must war against them in their new post-apocalyptic existence. They either overcome them with new-found humility and self-sacrifice, or revolve to them in pride, greed, and ambition – all in accordance with to the camp they choose to live within, though “choosing” may be too strong a word, for sense of calling and predestination seems to be strong as well. While there are plenty of images and allegories that would not bear a strictly orthodox Christian litmus test (as would also be the case in The Lord of the Rings or the Narnia series), it is a profoundly Christian novel with an ultimately Christian worldview and a Christian conclusion. (OK, spiced with a little Zen and Ka). It looks at the world and humanity and makes a few general statements about them both – and the statements ring pretty much “Christianly” true.
I don’t know that The Stand will make it to my top ten book list, but it definitely rises up in that general direction.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Vacationing in the Valley of the Shadow of Death
I'm sick. Well, maybe sick isn't the right word. More like writhing in pestilent agony.
I'm standing at Death's door and looking for the doorbell. I'm putting on my dancing shoes for the dance macabre with the legion of the underworld. I'm checking out paddles for my trip across the river Styx. I've got pen in hand to sign the deed to the farm. I'm confused about which side is the "other" side. I'm tuning my harp. I'm facing west for the last ride into the sunset.
Though my life slips through my fingers like sand, it is comforting to know that I've lost none of my sharp appreciation for drama and pathos.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Big Game Safari, Harbor City Style!
Over the summer and fall I put a lot of time and $$$ into a sprinkler system and sod for our front and back yards. Now that the grass is in, it seems I've had a lot of unexpected visitors coming by to help me celebrate - most of them, I've noticed, are furry, four-legged, and wear stylish burglar masks. Unfortunately their idea of partying is overturning every last square of sod hunting for grubs and worms.
Now I'm a big-hearted lover of all of God's precious little creatures. But if I ever catch those little b@$+@^&$ I'm gonna be having me one fine coon-skin cap. Since our diversity-embracing township has deigned not to assist me, I must embark on my own little "relocation program." With the help of a borrowed cage, I've been staking out the little buggers for several nights now. It's not going so good.
1st night: neighbor's cat
2nd night: nada
3rd night: trap sprung, but nothing caught
4th night: well, see for yourself...
L found him adorable. Stacy felt sorry for it and wanted to feed it blueberries. (She rarely lets me eat her blueberries!) Then it hissed at her and she lost some of her maudlin affection.
Now I'm not too fond of possum-skin caps (though it might make one heck of a nice toupee), so I expect I may let this one return to the savage wilderness. But I'm certainly not going to feed it blueberries and give it a relaxing warm oil massage before doing so. A lot of flash-bulb photos and pokes with a small stick will hopefully dissuade our little friend from making a return visit. (Yeah, right. Who am I kidding...)
Now I'm a big-hearted lover of all of God's precious little creatures. But if I ever catch those little b@$+@^&$ I'm gonna be having me one fine coon-skin cap. Since our diversity-embracing township has deigned not to assist me, I must embark on my own little "relocation program." With the help of a borrowed cage, I've been staking out the little buggers for several nights now. It's not going so good.
1st night: neighbor's cat
2nd night: nada
3rd night: trap sprung, but nothing caught
4th night: well, see for yourself...
L found him adorable. Stacy felt sorry for it and wanted to feed it blueberries. (She rarely lets me eat her blueberries!) Then it hissed at her and she lost some of her maudlin affection.
Now I'm not too fond of possum-skin caps (though it might make one heck of a nice toupee), so I expect I may let this one return to the savage wilderness. But I'm certainly not going to feed it blueberries and give it a relaxing warm oil massage before doing so. A lot of flash-bulb photos and pokes with a small stick will hopefully dissuade our little friend from making a return visit. (Yeah, right. Who am I kidding...)
Sunday, January 6, 2008
2007 Wrap-up
Lots of stuff went down at the end of the year; I was too busy to deal with most of it at the time, so here are some backlog pictures and stories from the last week or two of '07. (May it rest in peace.)
1) We replaced our counter microwave with an over-the-range model to recover some counter space. L helped us hawk our old one. When we got back from church this morning she was upset. "Nobody camed over to see our new microwave," she lamented. She was able to put the obvious social snub behind her when I told her we would take a picture and send it out. Here's that pic.
2) L and I made the rounds of ethnic soups. (Mommy will let Daddy drag L just about anywhere to get some time home alone.) So in addition to the bus ride for ramen described earlier, we also had udon at a local Japanese restaurant, and ordered out phó from the Vietnamese place around the corner.
3) I did a lot of yard work over the holiday break. L was eager to help out and insisted on bringing some of her day laborers along.
4) N became fully accomplished on the piano. As brilliant as his Dad is, we all knew it would happen sooner rather than later. (OK, OK, his Mom's pretty good too.)
5) At one point over the week L decided she'd sprained her arm. Given the choice between bandaging it or amputation, she chose the former.
6) And for good measure, here are some random shots of the rugrats.
1) We replaced our counter microwave with an over-the-range model to recover some counter space. L helped us hawk our old one. When we got back from church this morning she was upset. "Nobody camed over to see our new microwave," she lamented. She was able to put the obvious social snub behind her when I told her we would take a picture and send it out. Here's that pic.
2) L and I made the rounds of ethnic soups. (Mommy will let Daddy drag L just about anywhere to get some time home alone.) So in addition to the bus ride for ramen described earlier, we also had udon at a local Japanese restaurant, and ordered out phó from the Vietnamese place around the corner.
3) I did a lot of yard work over the holiday break. L was eager to help out and insisted on bringing some of her day laborers along.
4) N became fully accomplished on the piano. As brilliant as his Dad is, we all knew it would happen sooner rather than later. (OK, OK, his Mom's pretty good too.)
5) At one point over the week L decided she'd sprained her arm. Given the choice between bandaging it or amputation, she chose the former.
6) And for good measure, here are some random shots of the rugrats.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
One Small Step for a Dad, One Giant Leap for L-kind
Thanks to the wonders of the well-oiled machine that is the Gardena Municipal Bus Lines, "L" took her first bus ride. A truly epic journey, she and her Dad went to the ends of the earth (which, it turns out are about 0.6 miles away), got out, had lunch at a ramen noodle house, then reversed the process and made the weary trek home.
Now a seasoned, world-class traveller, L is anxious to once again boldly go where no man has gone before. (At least no one that speaks English...)
Now a seasoned, world-class traveller, L is anxious to once again boldly go where no man has gone before. (At least no one that speaks English...)
The Asparagus Kid
Stacy made some asparagus with a curry mayo dressing for dinner last night. "N" really liked it. Well, at least the dressing...
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