Ichthyological Death Row

Like yet another contestant in a particularly grim reality show^*, the next victim in the Perkins pet line up has been announced. The unfortunate inductee this time is a forlorn male betta fish who seems to know instictively that all in its future does not look rosy. Granted, it's difficult to betray much positive energy in an 8-ounce holding tub, but this guy looks particularly resolved to defeat.

Yet unnamed, I will encourage the children to name him soon so that he can at least have the dignity of a personalized eulogy at the porcelin portal when his time (quickly) comes. I suggest Damocles.

^*"Who Wants to Survive the Weekend?"

Clear Indications of Brilliance

L has not yet developed at nuanced taste for theology, so during the sermon she sometimes focuses her attention on other matters, like scribbling and sketching. I would generally reprimand her, but in this case she has displayed so clearly the signs of undeniable brilliance and artistic virtuosity that I am utterly convinced we have a veritable grand master preparing to burst forth at any time. I'm sorry to say that her burgeoning talent my soon cause us all to reassess our opinions of the reigning paragons of Western art.

• Rembrandt? Hack!
  
• da Vinci? Hack!
  
• Michelangelo? Hack!
  
• Picasso? Getting closer, but still a hack!
  

Many historical giants will inevitably fall by the wayside when the true prowess of this emergent talent is fully revealed, an artist soon to be so iconic that, rather than go by a single name as seems to be the current fashion among the Illuminati, she will be known far and wide simply by a single letter.

I present you, the annotated works of

L

Ariel the Mermaid (What else would you expect?)
This is from L's "Under the Sea" period.

A scary shark. Note the sharp teeth and the
detailed gill work just below the dorsal fin.

The birth of Ariel the mermaid on her clam shell.
Already she is being attacked by Ursula the sea-witch.

A somewhat bloated Princess Ariel
and her rather diminutive Prince Eric.

A terrifying whale with the crab
Sebastian cutting off its waterspout.

At Least They Don't Look Like Jeff Goldblum...

Remember that old movie where the scientist guy gets in an experimental machine and something goes wrong and his DNA gets mixed up with that of a fruitfly?

After a morning of garage organizings it seems we've had some genetic machinations of our own going on...

Oil Paintings and Photo Hogs

2009 has been a slow year so far, artistically speaking. I've been working on the same two oil paintings for quite a while now, making pretty meager progress. But last week, either via a burst of inspiration or a despondent desire to end it all, I finished and signed both of them! The large one that monopolized the majority of my time is the class project, a copy of a Daniel Ridgeway Knight painting called Hailing the Water Ferry.




The smaller of the two is a commission by a friend from work. An avid fisherman, he wanted a picture of a brown trout for his son's bedroom.



I'm pretty pleased with how both came out, though the Ridgeway Knight original was so detailed I could have worked on it forever and never come close to matching it. This semester the class project is a still life of a clay vase with flowers and random fruits scattered about - much more along my skill set, so I'm looking forward to it.

Side note: I took the pictures of the finished paintings this afternoon; whenever I drag out the camera my celebrity-wanna-be children all assume that it must be for their benefit and won't give me a moment's peace until the photoshoot they feel they need and deserve has been completed. So in order to buy myself the opportunity to take a picture of a canvas that wasn't being knocked down, stood-in-front-of, or smudged with a thousand sugar-besmeared fingers, we had our dramatic 3-shot rendezvous with the glitzy lens. Here is the only one worth showing:

We Got the Beet!

The Go Go's have nothing on us!

A couple of days ago I picked up some fresh beets at the farmers' market and tonight I made a beet and fennel salad with them. It was really good, but the kids took one look and would have nothing to do with it; the poor lonely beets sat untouched and unloved on both of their plates. Much fruitless begging and pleading accomplished naught. (I considered beating them, but decided it would be redundant.)

Finally, in a moment of inspired brilliance, I came upon the motivational nugget I was missing.

"Hey, kids," I said nonchalantly. "You know if you eat a lot of beets your pee turns purple."

"No way!"

"Way! But the only way I can prove it to you is you have to eat all your beets."

A beet gorging ensued. The rest of the evening has been spent in the bathroom with the kids giving themselves near-strokes trying to squeeze out every last drop of pee to see if it truly is purple. (None as of yet, but I told them wait till morning!)

Hang 'em High!

My new home-away-from-home.

On Wednesday I received the dubious honor of being sworn in as Juror #2 for a civil case in the Los Angeles court system. The kicker: it's expected to last 30 days. <sigh>

L was quite concerned about why I was going to court. (She's well aware that when the policemen stop you they can take you to jail or to court.) Mommy had to explain that I wasn't in trouble, but that I'd be helping the judge.

Herring Today, Gone Tomorrow

It is with great sadness that we report that beloved pet, Ariel Perkins, has swum off to that great kelp bed in the sky. Her passing is observed with mourning by all those who knew and loved her deeply. Ariel was a gentle fish, a fish of few words, but we know that her heart was as big as her bowl. If you ever needed a fish to get you out of a tough spot, or even just a fin to cry on, you could always count on Ariel to be just that kind of fish. We all know that if you needed them, Ariel would have given you the scales off her back.

Ariel is survived by her owner and namer, L, who at the time of death was reported as saying, "Daddy, why is Ariel lying down on the bottom of her bowl? Is she tired? Maybe she ate too much and needs to rest."

Yes, L, Ariel is indeed resting now. And she deserves it! After all, when the going got tough you could always count on Ariel to rise above it all, much like she rose to the top of her bowl just a little while ago. Her parting will leave a fish-shaped hole in all of our hearts and to us she will forevermore be a holy mackerel.

Swim with the fishes, Ariel.
Swim with the fishes.