Many years ago, probably starting in college, or perhaps even before that, I started taking "mental pictures." By "mental pictures" I mean that, whenever I was doing something unique, significant or generally enjoyable, I would try to conciously pause, say to myself, "This is something to enjoy and remember," and then lock it down somehow in my brain for safekeeping. I'm not sure where I got this idea - probably from some foofy self-help show or maybe it was something I came up with on my own - don't remember now, but it has been very important to me for all these years. I've met so many people who seem to carry around so many regrets about their past. Not bad things they wish they hadn't done (though I'm sure there are plenty of those), but regrets over the good things they hadn't done, or rather, more to the point, hadn't appreciated. "Enjoy these days, son. They go by so quick," this is the litany of advice I've received countless times, usually by people who you can tell are secretly mourning some good old days they failed to recognize and savor. I don't want to regret missing the wonders I've been given. This idea of mental pictures has been in part my tool to do this.
Will it work? Time will tell, but I think so, to some extent anyway. The early evidence is positive. I'm still in the thick of the sweet spot everyone tells me about - my kids are small, Stacy still puts up with me, my expenses are relatively few, my health is good - but at this stage in life there are already opportunities for regret. I know a lot of people my age who seem to have never grown up. They still want to think they are young and cool. They act like they are in college. There are married folks at work, who still want to act the player. They seem like people who are trying to go back and recover things they think they didn't get (but should have) out of being single, being burden free in college, being popular in high school, etc., etc. I think regrets or the lack thereof are big factors in whether you ever "grow up." At this point, to a large extent, I don't miss the old days. I don't linger and wish I could relive them. I have no beef with them. I've got a great store of memories. I've got mental index cards with times and places and faces and stories. I pull them out often when I start sliding down those paths of self-pity, and they really do remind me that I don't need to go back. I was there and really did savor it.
I know life is better, sweeter, more exciting, etc., when you are young. Worries, troubles, illness and fatigue all layer themselves on you with age. I know there will be things to treasure about old age, if I'm slated to get there, but I also know that the joys and wonders are clustered to life's leading edge. I know I won't be able to avoid illness, worry or outright tragedy, but I do hope to avoid self-accusatory regret that I failed to appreciate the things I'd been given. I want mental pictures to prove I was there, that I enjoyed it, that I appreciated it and was, basically, thankful for it.
So the next time you see me having a good time, if I seem to pause and retreat into my own mental world for a few seconds, it might behoove us both if you'd smile and say "cheese!"
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